Link gets high
by mulk
Summary: instead of being locked in mortal combat, what do you think would happen if they just got high?


_Setting: this story takes place during the Ocarina of Time timeframe as Link is climbing Gannon's tower. At the moment he approaches the top and prepares to open the final door to face Gannon.  
NOTE: I am a big Zelda fan and I know Link doesn't say anything more than a grunt but for the purpose of comical writing he will be talking._

Link: All right Ganondorf lets finish this once and for all

(Link opens the door to Zelda trapped in a crystal above Ganondorf playing an organ)

Ganondorf: "The Triforce parts are resonating...They are combining into one again...The two Triforce parts that I could not capture on that day seven years ago...I didn't expect they would be hidden within you two! And now, finally, all the Triforce parts have gathered here!"

(The organ stops and vanishes into thin air. Ganondorf turns around and fires a wave or dark energy at Link)

"These toys are too much for you! I command you to return them to me!"

Link: sorry Gannon but these are my toys and I'm gonna use them to defeat you once and for all

Ganondorf: hey, if were gonna do this let's do it right, my name is Ganondorf all right? Ganon is another completely different form I take on when I call upon my triforce's power. But enough of the formalities let us begin this contest of might!

Link: yeah but before we do that I just …gotta do something here

(Link pulls out a joint, lights it up and takes a nice big drag)

Link: oh yeah that's the stuff…hey, Zelda…you, you remember that stuff we had 7 years ago when we were little kids?

Zelda: Link! Do you really think this is the time for that?

Link: baby, there isn't a wrong time to do this

Ganondorf: hey, I know were locked in mortal combat and all, but you think I can hit that?

Link: What kind of hero would I be if I said no?

(Ganondorf takes a drag)

Ganondorf: oh hell yeah…you guys smoked this when you were kids? Goddamn…

Zelda: hey uh, can I get out of here?

Link: yeah yeah just hold on a minute here

(Link takes the joint from Ganondorf and takes a long drag)

Link: oh yeah…that is great…

Ganondorf: hey come on man your smoking it all

Link: hey just chill man…

(Link pulls out a bag holding at least another 20 joints. Ganondorf starts to cry)

Ganondorf: I'm sorry man…it's…it's j-j-just…s-so beautiful…waaaahhhh

Link: isn't it though?

Navi: hey, hey, hey, hey, listen, listen, listen, come on Link! We have to fight for the right to live life

Link: Navi I swear to god…oh man just smoke the rest of that. I need one to myself. How else do you think I can deal with this goddamn fairy? I mean damn, I thought that when I killed that tree she would go away but damn…

Ganondorf: yeah I know what you mean, hold on (takes a drag), hell yeah…

(Half an hour passes of just silent smoking)

Link: so…why…wait, why did I come here again?

Ganondorf: I, I just don't know man…say where did that fucking fairy go…

Link: oh I shot her with an arrow…

Ganondorf: you did that while you were that baked?

Link: hehe…yeah…it's so…pointy…and sharp and stuff

Ganondorf: hey, hey…uh…I forgot your name…uh, dude in green…hey, check this shit out man

(Ganondorf fires a ball of energy at the wall)

Link: holy shit man…you just like, shot something out of your hand…and it was really fucking cool

Zelda: SERIOUSLY GUYS! IM STILL TRAPPED IN HERE!

Link: who…who was that…over there…in that pretty thing

Ganondorf: I don't know man…did…did I make that…

Link: I…I don't know man…I think…hold on

(Link takes out the Megaton Hammer)

Link: I think maybe…I used this?

Ganondorf: dude…where did…that…that hammer come from?

Link: I don't know…maybe…maybe if I hit the floor

Ganondorf: whoa man hold on here…

Link: hey come on man were like 50 stories above the ground…what's gonna happen if I slam a 2 ton hammer on the floor.

Ganondorf: I think…something bad…or maybe well get more weed…

Link: yeah…more weed from the weed fairy…

Zelda: GODDAMN IT LINK!

(Link slams the hammer on the ground)

Ganondorf: dude…that must have been like 2 tons

Link: well it is the _mega_ton hammer. Hahahahaha

Ganondorf: hehehehehehehe

Link: hahahahahahah

Ganondorf: hahahahahahahahaha

Link: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ganondorf: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Link: 

Ganondorf: haha

Link: 

Ganondorf: all right man it was funny…can I get another joint

Link: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ganondorf: no seriously…shut up

Link: OH MY GOD A MEGA TON HAMMER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ganondorf: SHUT UP!

(Link immediately shuts up and starts to tear up)

Ganondorf: oh now…now come on man, I didn't mean it like that

Zelda: you might as well just kill yourself now, once he gets going when he's this high he won't stop

Link: wahhhhhhhh

Ganondorf: you know what…I think you're right

(Ganondorf places his own hand over his heart and blasts through it with energy instantly killing him)

Link: wahhhhhhhhhhhh, wahhhhhhhhhhh, wahhhhhhh…(sniff) Ganondorf? (whimper) man?

(Link looks to the dead corpse of Ganondorf)

Link: oh my god he's dead! He's totally dead man what am I going to do ?

Zelda: GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Link: all right I just gotta play this cool…if the cops show up he killed himself

Zelda: SHUT THE HELL UP! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Link: OH MY GOD! BATS ARE EVERYWHERE!

Zelda: oh my god…if I could kill myself right now I would

(Link starts wildly swinging his sword around. As he is doing this Ganondorf's body starts to glow and the tower begins to collapse)

Link: oh no man…oh no…were all gonna die man…the bats are gone but were all screwed man

Zelda: hey link what is that to your left…

Link: oh my…it's a window…a beautiful window…a sturdy yet open and beautiful window

Zelda: yeah, why don't you try to fly out of it?

Link: why…I think I will

(Link jumps out the window)

Link: I'm flyiiiiiiiiinnnnngggggg…

(silence)

Zelda: well im gonna die…but im gonna die in peace

(the tower continues to shake for a half an hour)

Zelda: oh…my…god…why is this happening to me

(the tower stops shacking)

Zelda: Jesus Christ…

(the tower suddenly crumbles down spilling into the lava. Zelda spills into the lava as well but the crystal trapping Zelda somewhat protects her)

Zelda: great…this lava is going to slowly burn through this crystal…

(the lave slowly burns through the crystal and kills Zelda)


End file.
